Category: Autobiographical comics

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Autobiographical comics Comics Sustainability comics Working in research

Traveling by land, Germany to Italy and back!

“Germany? What do you mean Germany, H-P, you’re Finnish?” Yes, I am, but I only started drawing since leaving Germany. Last summer I went to Trento Italy for an ethnography and qualitative research conference together with my colleagues Juulia and Carmen. I traveled through Berlin where I also met a long time Instagram friend! I made this comic during the long train rides and I first published it on my Patreon for backers only. Now it’s been a while since that happened, so I decided to make it public.

I think people are interested in doing longer travels by land, but they might be worried if it’s really difficult. And yes, it is more difficult than flying. But it’s also amazing and exciting and relaxing and part of the whole experience of traveling! So maybe this comic can inspire you to try out something other than a plane next time you travel.

The reason I’m posting this comic now is that I’m leaving to Angoulême in France tomorrow! And I’ll be traveling by land again! That reminded me of this comic. I don’t know if I will draw a travel diary this time, but I’m thinking about it. I’m traveling together with a friend of mine, the Finnish comics artist Siiri Viljakka.

These two photos are taken from a moving train! That’s Alps! Incredible.
This is a river from Trento in Italy. We took a cable car from where the photo was taken to that building you can see on top of the mountain!

This photo was taken from the mountain where we got to with the cable car. I had thought Trento to be way smaller of a town than what it turned out to be! It was weird seeing it all laid out like that. The size of the mountains is something I as a Finnish person will never understand. (We have no mountains in Finland. I even happen to be from an area of Finland that’s the former sea floor! Osthrobothnia that is.)

Wouldn’t you like to study here? Well I did! This is the courtyard of the Trento public library. I went here to work on my university stuff.

Now that I’m traveling in January, the views will be completely different from what they were in June. Our route takes us from Stockholm (Sweden) to Copenhagen (Denmark) to Strasbourg (France) and then finally to Angoulême (France) to attend the gigantic comics festival held there every year! I’ll try to at least write a blog post about it, even if I wouldn’t necessarily draw a comic. We’ll see!

Now that you’re here, consider this. You become my Patreon backer, I make more comics! Sounds great, right? Here you go:

Support me on patreon

Are you into reading more comics? Check out all of the comics I’ve posted on my blog here on my Comics tag!

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Alt Text Included Art analysis Autobiographical comics Comics Working in Arts

Emotional Abuse doesn’t end when the relationship is over

My emotional abuse comic, I Survived Him, is definitely one of my favorite works of my own. I’m especially proud of the art in this one. The comic is now available on my itch.io again! But before you go get it for yourself, I want to tell you more about it and show some of my favorite pages.

Cover of the emotional abuse comic I Survived Him. It's a parody of the Judith Beheads Holorfenes painting by Artemisia Gentileschi, but all the characters are H-P himself. One H-P is laying on a bed. One holds him down and one is beheading him with a sword. All have a neutral expression.

I Survived Him was made in 2020. Even if it is a comic about emotional abuse, it doesn’t describe the abuse in detail. The comic begins from the moment the abusive relationship was over and the story describes the process of letting go and healing. I want to show you the first scene of the comic.

Panel one: Computer screen shows messaging app. Text: You: I'm just so worried. Him: You're still important to me and I love you! I think we've just grown apart but that's normal and it won't affect things between us! Panel 2: H-P is sitting on a floor, he looks younger and tired. He's holding a laptop and covered in a blanket. Text: That was the last time he talked to me. Panel 3: Dark illustration of H-P's silhouette. Text: I had challenged him too many times and this was the last punishment I got. Isolation.
Panel 1: H-P stands alone in the panel shrugging. Text: I lost most of our shared friends. They weren't all on his side. Some of them did their best. Panel 2: H-P's face closer, he crosses his arms. Text: But when talking about abuse, "Maybe both sides were at fault" sounds like "you deserved it". Panel 3: H-P on the foreground, he glances behind him. There's two shadows of people there. Text: H-P says: And every now and then they'd give me news of the things he said about me. The shadows say: H-P was also so difficult. H-P apparently likes talking shit about others. He said H-P is untrustworthy. He told me H-P uses his depression as an excuse to be too demanding. Panel 4: H-P has now also turned into a shadow silhouette. He talks to another of the shadows from last panel. Text: I tried to be the bigger person and just reply: This is not true. I never did that. But I know I can't convince you so I'll just hope for the best.
Big illustration. Closeup of H-P's head looking to the left. He looks tired and sad. His head is see through where his brains are and there's text in his brain. There's also partially obstructed text all around him. Text: In speech bubbles: But the worth thing wasn't the isolation. The worst thing was that the abuse didn't stop when he left. Because his thoughts were still inside my head. I was my own abuser now. Text in the brain: Remember that you should be ashamed. You're so hard to love because you're difficult. Text around him, partially obstructed: You're probably not really trans. Do you really think someone else would have the patience to love you? You're so demanding. You're just a fujoshi who wants to be a guy because you think gays are hot. Don't transition, you'll look like a woman with a moustache. You're untrustworthy and hard to work with...
Panel 1: H-P's hands drawing a sketch of a woman. Text: It didn't matter where I was and what I was doing. Everything reminded me of him. Panel 2: Black ink starts flowing from the pen on H-P's hand. His hand shakes. Text: And remembering him made me remember everything he said was wrong about me. Panel 3: H-P walking outside, it's fall. He wears a beanie and a big jacket. Text: One day I was trying to walk somewhere. I can't remember where, but then again, it's not relevant. Panel 4: H-P's head from the side, now drawn on a thicker black crayon like line. He looks terrified and his eyes are just black smudges. Text: Suddenly I remembered him again.
Panel 1: Light pencil drawing on two joined hands. Text: We used to walk here together holding hands... Panel 2: The hands from previous panel are now behind H-P as his memory. H-P is on the foreground and he looks anxious. Text: No. I don't want to remember him! I don't want him to be in my head! I want my mind back! Panel 3: Wider image of the road H-P is walking on. There's a magpie eating something off the ground. H-P is holding his face in his hands. Other than that, there's nobody else on the road. Text: Fuck you. Fuck your memories. I want to override these memories with new ones. Panel 4: Closeup of the magpie that now looks at H-P. Text: That magpie! Panel 5: H-P Yells at the magpie. Text: That magpie will be my new memory of thie road! Fuck you!!
Large illustration where H-P is walking on the road that has now changed into a lushious paradise with plants everywhere drawn on just light pencil. The magpie flies away and H-P is alone. Text: That was the moment I decided to do everything I could to heal from him. This comic is about that process. I don't want to make a comic about my traumas and relive them again and again when drawing it all out. I want to make a comic about how I healed myself so I can relive the moments when I was at my strongest.

I don’t often make autobiographical comics about such tough subjects. Portraying myself as the victim in my art isn’t really something I want to do. I very much believe in the theory that one can change the way they see themselves by controlling how they talk about themselves. Of course one has to be realistic, but I don’t want to unnecessarily dwell on the negative parts of my life. Making a comic takes a long time and if I were to make a comic about something very traumatic, I’d almost have to relive the trauma for months on end! I’m totally not up for that! No way! What I can relive is the healing process.

This comic was drawn in 2020, now that I reread it in 2022 I felt powerful, I felt at peace and I felt strong! I have survived this and I am proud of that. When I finished the comic I still felt scared, and some days I still do, but it becomes rarer every day. I love seeing this comic and remembering how far I’ve come.

The Art

I told in the beginning that I was especially happy with the art on this one, so here are two pages from my absolute favorite scene artwise.

Panel 1: Deep pit of rocks with a shaky illustration of H-P laying at the bottom saying "help" Text: He caused the intense feelings by pushing me to hit the rock bottom and "saving" me from there. Panel 2: Light pencil illustration of a hand pulling H-P out. H-P looks relieved and happy. Text: Of course I feel overjoyed! I was just thinking of ending my life a moment ago! But an emotional rollercoaster like that isn't healthy. I really had to grieve giving up those feelings.
Big illustration of H-P sitting at the bottom of the pit. He looks at his hand that was just held a moment ago. He is alone. His hair is all over the place. He looks sad and defeated. Text: But after all those feelings were gone. Love. Shock. Desperation. Loneliness. Anger. Sadness. All I was left with was fear.

On the first page’s first panel you see me laying on my face in a bottom of a rocky pit. The pit is drawn on normal paper with ink markers and pencils, but that me! I drew myself on a piece of used napkin! The two illustrations were then combined on Photoshop. I love how I used the drawing material to really show the desperation.

And the rocky pit… man, that’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever drawn. I love it. I also love the combination of pencil and ink. All the illustrations that illustrate my memories are drawn on pencil only and I love it.

As said, I’m very proud of this one. I think this comes only second to Life Outside the Circle. It might be a good idea to later write a blog entry about the medias I used for that one too… I love the art on Life Outside the Circle!

So where can you get this comic?

I have a store on itch.io. The emotional abuse comic is $5, but you can choose if you want to leave me a tip. It’s up to you! I always try to keep my comics accessible to most people, so the tipping helps a lot in keeping the comic price fairly low.

Please note, despite this blog post having alt texts for more accessible reading, the ebook doesn’t have that.

If you’re interested in other comics I have for sale as ebooks, go read my blog post about Not #ZeroWaste, I Just Grew Up Poor.

Categories
Alt Text Included Autobiographical comics Comics

Finnish spring and folklores

This comic is my lovesong to the Finnish spring. Or a hate song? Love-hate-song? I don’t even know, I think me and Finnish spring have a bit of a toxic relationship.

This comic was actually made a couple of years back, because this spring has been way easier and more straightforward!

Beginning of May H-P looks at the sun yelling happily "Spring! Finally it's time to bring my plants outside!"
Next day H-P stands outside with a plant. The air is grey and it's snowing. H-P looks defeated.
End of May H-P looks at the sun very excited! He yells: "Ok, Spring! Now this must be it! It's so warm! Time to bring the plants out!
Next day The air is even more grey than before and it's snowing very heavily. H-P is holding a plant and looks defeated.
April, literally yesterday!!! The sun is shining, H-P is looking at the weather with his phone and his laptop! He says: "I've checked the weather, air humidity, rain charts... it should be good? Spring? Time to put the plants out.
Today An actual photo taken from H-P's window. There's snow. H-P's drawing on top of the photo. H-P now has the plant growing from his head and he looks depressed and defeated. He says "Why must you torment me like this, Finland?"

Also as a non-english speaker I have to point out, do you see how in my comic May comes before April? Yeah… about that. I was meant to say March, but I always forget March is the third month. March sounds like Marraskuu to me, and Marraskuu in Finnish is the November! Here are the months in their respective order in Finnish (with literal tarnalations in english in brackets) for those who are interested in this kind of useless information:

Tammikuu (central moon)
Helmikuu (pearl moon)
Maaliskuu (earthly moon)
Huhtikuu (burn-clearing moon)
Toukokuu (spring field work moon)
Kesäkuu (summer moon)
Heinäkuu (hay moon)
Elokuu (living moon)
Syyskuu (autumn moon)
Lokakuu (dirty moon)
Marraskuu (death moon)
Joulukuu (yule/christmas moon)

See how all the month names describe the month some way? Either the work done on a farm that month or what the month looks like! Fun fact, tammi, as in January, Tammikuu, also means oak. But in this case tammi doesn’t come from that meaning, but from the meaning of a central pole that was believed to hold up the sky and make it rotate in Finnish folklore (taivaantammi). I’m pretty sure oak also got it’s name from that central pole. After all oaks are very sturdy, big and beautiful trees that could be imagined as the pole that holds up the sky!

Yet again, huge thank you to my Patreon backers who make free comics like this possible. You’re the best!

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Alt Text Included Autobiographical comics Comics

Kombucha season has begun! (Sara seems happy)

I don’t know if you’ve ever made kombucha during winter, but here’s the problem with that. We save energy, so our home isn’t super warm during winter. We just put more clothes on if we get cold! But our scoby, the weird lump of bacteria that makes the delicious tea, can’t put on more clothes! So making the kombucha takes ages! During summer when it’s warm inside and outside it’s way faster to make it!

My other partner Sara is very pleased with summer. She gets to have homemade kombucha every week and she also gets to eat all kinds of foods made from Finnish wild plants! Yesterday we ate stinging nettle pancakes (with lingonberry jam)! Spring and summer really are the best time for foragers.

Speaking of kombucha, here’s a comic about the first time I gave it to my friend Eelis. This comic is colored by Sara, my partner! Go check out Sara’s website too!

H-P holding a jar, Eelis sitting behind a table. Title: Eelis the Kombucha Boy. H-P: Wanna try out kombucha? It's self made. Eelis: Sure!
Eelis takes a sip and his face turns red. A lightning flashes behind him. He is sweating like a pig and he looks very uncomfortable.
Eelis turns green. He is half smiling as he looks in the kombucha glass. He's shaking a little.
Eelis looks like he ate a lemon and his face is trying to suck itself inside his skull. Now he's blue and he's sweating more than ever and shaking violently.
H-P Offers a jar with a kombucha scoby in it to Eelis, saying: Want a scoby so you can make your own? Eelis bangs his fists on the table and he looks excited and deligtes. He has flames in his eyes signifying the intense excitement. He yells: YEAS PLEASE!

If you’re interested in knowing what else do I do in my daily life, I suggest you go browse more of my comics here on my blog!

Ps. If you want to know what’s happening in my art, join my mailing list! No spam, just one email every other month letting you know what I do, so that social media algorithm can’t hide it from you.

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Alt Text Included Autobiographical comics Comics

First blog post, how did I become a cartoonist?

Okay so this blog post is basically here just so I can check if the blog looks good. But posting a blog post just for that would be boring right? So if you’re a true fan and you actually went and read this, here’s a comic about me becoming a cartoonist for you! Thank you for being here!

This is a story on how I decided to become a cartoonist. I was young, I met a friend who was obsessed with comics and always ready to stroke my ego if I drew them. Wonderful times!

Title: Why did I start making comics? Tiny 16 year old H-P, a nerd with glasses and long hair, sits by a table with a red haired girl. H-P is drawing an alien with very large eyes. Hardly a professional cartoonist level, but pretty good. A blonde girl approaches saying "Oh!"
The blonde girl says "I see, you draw manga too! Nice!" H-P looks at the blonde girl just saying "Thanks!"
The blonde girl leaves, H-P whispers to his ginger friend "What is a manga?" The text at the bottom says: "That's how I met Raakel! My future bestie."
Illustration of H-P listening to the blonde girl, Raakel, explaining something. H-P sighs "Wow!" Text: Raakel loved comics and she would go on and on about then. And I would listen! I loved it! And she never made me feel myself stupid for not knowing as much about comics as she did. She was just happy to help me learn!
Illustration of H-P drawing a comic, he's becoming a cartoonist now. Raakel looks at H-P's art saying "Let me see." H-P replies "Wait." Text: After hearing so much about comics (and reading a lot of manga Raakel recommended), I got inspired to draw them too! After all, I already loved drawing!
Illustration of Raakel reading a comic saying "When will you draw more again?" H-P smiles, he looks very happy with himself, he replies "Soon." Text: It was the first time in my life someone was so genuinely interested in seeing what I had created!
Illustration of H-P, now a grown man and a professional cartoonist, relaxing on a couch saying: "I guess that's why I still make comics. Comics were the first thing I had ever made that someone else sincerely appreciated. That's how Raakel got me hooked."

Years later I still think of how important Raakel’s support was to me. And we’re still friends to this day! Actually, right now Raakel is translating my partner Sara’s polyamory comic to english for the new book that’s coming out soon!

If you’re interested in learning more about my life and comics, I suggest you go browse through the different tags here on my blog! For example, this one is an autobiographical comic, so the Autobiographical comics -tag has more of similar content! This comic also has Alt texts so the comic can be read with a screen reader. Not all of the comics on my blog have that yet, mainly because they’re a lot of work to make on top of the actual comics and I’m just a one person, but I’m working on them! Here’s the Alt Text Included -tag so you can read all the ones with the Alt text!

If you want to help me have more time to work on the alt texts and everything else I have on my website, please consider supporting me on Patreon!